Thanksgiving day, 2014
Today I read with gratitude that President Obama pardoned the White House Turkey, named ‘Cheese’ or, as Obama calls him – Cheesy.
I noted Cheesy is white and presumably will return to the farm to be eaten at a later date on a slow news day.
The other turkey, a black one, remains alive and well, running around the White House clucking: “We have overcome.”
How prophetic.
You are welcome.
November 23, 2014
Yesterday I stood in the checkout queue at Barnes & Noble holding a stack of books and the current Poets & Writers magazine when the lady behind me asked about the magazine. I offered to let her browse through it while we waited (interminably, it seemed) for a clerk to become available. She fanned the magazine and asked if I was a writer. “Yes,” I replied warily.
“What do you write?”
I was sorely tempted to say: ‘words’, but, being a nice guy I smiled and said: ” Short stories, a screenplay or two and I’m working on a novel – have been for five years.”
“Oh, how exciting,” said she. “Would I have read any of them?”
To an unpublished writer this is bite-your-tongue time. I smiled and said: “I doubt it.” Thankfully, the queue began moving and our brief encounter ended.
Upon reflection I wondered how different my response might have been had she asked: ‘What do you write about?’ I might have responded: “Coming of age in a period of political ineptitude and corruption, religious hypocrisies, the influence of energy on global economies and, the common link between them – revenge.” Any ensuing discussion would certainly have extended beyond the checkout line.
But our brief exchange did raise a question. How many times do we ask the wrong question only to be disappointed and/or misled by the answer? Ex.: Is there a Santa? Will you love me in the morning? Do you think I look fat? Aren’t we all created equal?
The problem looms more important in the now never-ending election cycles and 24/7 political coverage of same. Reporters and journalists dutifully record and transmit information that they see, hear and are told is factual. The endemic problem is that they frequently ask the wrong questions – questions their editor(s) think will elicit answers translatable onto bumper stickers or headline grabbers.
Hope and change – Hope for what? and change what? Secure the borders – How? and which ones? Our children deserve better. Better what? Better schools and teachers? Or a better trophy just for showing up?
We speak what’s on our mind but we believe what’s in our heart. By asking only stock questions, journalists get stock answers that seldom delve to the core of an issue wherein lies the truth. The interpretation of the question is left to the interviewee. The interviewer feels elucidation of the answer is his/her job, qualifications be damned. We should be able to learn, with clarity, what force vectors reside in the hearts of those we elect.
Shouldn’t we have known, for example, that George W. Bush would be willing to sacrifice 4,500 men to prove his worth to his father?
Shouldn’t we have known that Barack Obama is deeply committed to recompense for injustices to people of color and his concomitant abjuration of economic and international obligations?
Writers and poets expound primarily about what’s in the heart of their protagonists and antagonists. They explore the human condition using present day external manifestations and reflect how an individual’s mindset can metastasize into profound philosophical and cultural change for the future. Many are keen interpreters of the unseen consequences of an imperfect world and could serve as intuitive interrogators of those seeking public office.
We need the modern day equivalent of a literary giant like the eighteenth century poet Shelley to lead us into the light once again. (Look it up.)
You are welcome.
November 13, 2014
The European Space Agency (ESA) and Kim Kardashian shared today’s front page.
ESA landed a space craft on a comet and Kim bared her butt. The space venture covered four billion miles over ten years of flight and cost $2 billion. Ms. Kardashian probably earned that much by exposing herself long enough for a photo shoot.
ESA scientists in Germany are concerned that a hard landing may have damaged the craft preventing them from drilling into the comet to see if it contains water. (Next, BP will head up there to see if it contains oil.)
Here’s a better idea: Land another space craft on Kim Kardashian’s ass. There appears to be ample room and a soft landing is guaranteed. A mere $2 million should cover it. (The expense, not her ass.)
As today’s photo will attest: It’s a safe bet that a drill bit sunk into Kim’s bountiful butt would find not water, but Champagne.
Ahhh, the benefits of science. We could re-direct the water-bearing comet to California’s parched Imperial Valley and dispatch Kim to Houston to encourage future scientific discoveries.
Here’s to science. Bottoms up.
You are welcome.
October 26, 2014
Five years ago my wife gave me a sweat shirt, emblazoned on the front: “Careful, or you’ll end up in my novel”, a gag-gift for a writer/author wannabe that I wore periodically in the fall. Over the years a few people have made comments (all of them positive) I now wear it without thinking about the message it broadcasts.
Until yesterday, when my wife and I were wandering through a local farmers market. It was cool so I dug my shirt from the mothballs. We had barely entered the exhibit area when a comely woman, a salesperson at one of the booths, approached and said: “I’ll be careful not to offend you.” I had forgotten about the shirt’s message and thought her daft. My wife engaged her in conversation and it became obvious she was referring to the shirt’s message. We learned she had a sister who was a fledgling writer and wanted to buy one as a gift. “Where did I buy it?” We told her and moved on.
Moments later, another woman approached: “I love the shirt. Are you really a writer? ” I assured her I was. She informed me she always wanted to write. “How did you begin?” she asked. Never adept at small talk, I responded, “I sat at a word processor and started typing.” That remark earned me a painful punch on the arm from my wife. (Particularly because I was holding a ten pound, hand-painted pumpkin she had purchased from the first woman.)
My wife, now thirsty from all the mindless chatter, stopped at a stall to sample several home- brewed beers. I’m a wine and whiskey guy so I waited in the wings while she complimented the brewer, a studly guy with arms like Schwarzenegger. I had not long to wait until two youngish girls approached and again admired my shirt. Imagine that: I was getting more attention than the handsome brewer. One girl was an aspiring poet who attended a writer’s college in Ohio but got disenchanted with their liberal agenda. I opined that politics permeates much of the art world and has since the days of the Pharaohs. I encouraged her to keep writing. Good poetry is needed these days and few are practicing the art.
The second girl of the duo asked what I have written. I told her and then it hit me. My eureka moment.! This shirt is the perfect pick up line for guys in bars. You don’t even have to say something stupid. Just wear the shirt and girls will line up like chicks at a feeding trough. Sounds like a business opportunity to me. Look for my ad on e-bay.
You are welcome.
October 1, 2014
My neighbor and friend is a socialist, originally from Sweden. Both he and his wife are schoolteachers!
He abhors big companies and capitalism at its roots. He believes government here, as in Sweden, should manage all aspects of our lives. He favors income equality and higher taxes on successful companies and individuals. (Notwithstanding, he owns two homes, three cars and travels four times per year between California and Stockholm to visit grandkids.) His view is utopian: an educated, healthy, safe, happy and fecund populace with enough free cash to enjoy one month of vacation for every month spent working. It that were reality, I wouldn’t mind paying more in taxes. Sadly in America ,bigger, more involved government has proven ineffective at best and corrupt at worst. We simply elect carpetbaggers who hire in their own image. It is not their money they ‘re continuing to waste, so why work hard and worry?
Examples are plentiful. Just think back five years: a financial collapse due to Treasury and SEC inept management, IRS loses thousands of e-mails and lies about it, National Security Agency allows one man to steal thousands of classified documents, the incompetent Veterans Administration is charged with killing dozens of veterans due to bureaucratic inaction, implementing Affordable Health Care was mangled beyond repair but proved a windfall for insurance companies, the Air Traffic Control System is vulnerable on all levels as validated by Chicago’s O’Hare shutdown this week and now we learn the Secret Service was asleep on the job of protecting the president. Don’t even get me started on the blunders of Homeland Security.
All this from a country the rest of the world once looked up to.
What happened? Ask ten people and you’ll get ten answers. Mine is simple – group responsibility has displaced individual responsibility. No one in government feels responsible – including the president.
Sorry Hillary, but you are wrong. It doesn’t take a village to raise a child. It takes an involved parent who instills a psychic value system of hard work into their children. Many working parents now appear to have abdicated that responsibility to nannies, soccer coaches, teachers and mood altering drugs.
My first job, at age 13, was working part time in a small grocery store where I was tasked with: 1) cleaning the butcher block with a steel bladed scraper and, 2) sweeping the floor at the end of the day. We had the cleanest butcher block and floor of any store in the state. I took great pride in my work and vowed to do my best. Eventually I was rewarded with promotion to retail clerk responsible for closing the store each day and taking receipts to the bank. Motivation for increased responsibility, first experienced in that little store, has served me well for a lifetime of exciting challenges and successful careers. Yes -career(s) plural. I’m now on my third -writing.
Next time we consider candidates for public office, perhaps we should investigate their early job history and look for ‘meniality’. If that doesn’t work, let’s simply do a reverse merger into Sweden.
You are welcome
September 26, 2014
Spoiler alert!! What follows are the mythical musings of an unrepentant Luddite.
Coincidentally, on the same day that Netflix hired a cultural anthropologist to conduct ethnographic research (Google those two) about the changing nature of TV viewing, my wife irretrievably lost all of the photos on her cell phone. The wailing and self-recrimination continues.
It started me thinking about the changing nature of technology in general. Simplicity has given way to complexity – resulting in inferior products. True invention died on the same day as Steve Jobs. We now invent new things by combining a bunch of old things and calling the result ‘ground breaking’.
I speak of not just cell phones; but cars, computer printers , TV and even coffee makers
Cell phones are now amalgams of phone, camera, calendar, GPS, flashlight, web browser, mini-computer (none of which works as well as its stand-alone forerunner) and a talking direction finder named Siri.
My once-simple computer printer is now a ‘multi-function’ machine, complete with fax, scanner, and copier; alas there is no troubleshooter. But at least it’s cheap – unless you count the $69 ink cartridge which needs replacement monthly.
The upgrade from my old drip percolator now makes coffee, cappuccino, latte and espresso ( though I drink only black coffee). All from easy to use (read pricey) plastic non-biodegradable cuplets.
And cars are now computers with wheels. Who wants to be bothered with the hassle of parallel parking while enjoying Sting’s latest recording on the car’s Bose system while the steering wheel records your blood pressure? Is a TV monitor on the dash board worse than texting? And who wouldn’t want a pre-cocktail nap while driving home secure in the knowledge that your car will never crash into another due to the accident warning system that engages the brakes at the correct moment. (Random thought — can the car also detect a warm human or will you simply roll over her like road-kill?)
Back to Netflix: They have hit on a great formula: pay a monthly fee and watch all the movies you wish without commercial interruptions. Thirty to sixty minutes of pure entertainment. The ‘must-see-TV’ networks have yet to understand we don’t want 12 minutes of entertainment and 18 minutes of moronic commercials every half hour .(I hope I live long enough to see the Aflac duck eating the Geico Gekko in prime time.) That is breaking news I’d pay to watch.
Network TV executives are slow learners. Their business model no longer works. Get over it and learn to charge us for what we want to watch – not what you think we should watch. Then your pre-tax earnings can go into developing better content; not psychobabble consultant fees.
You are welcome.
September 17, 2014
A recent NY Times article about foreign money flowing into U.S. think tanks contained the word ‘scholar’ thirteen times.
I started to think: What is a scholar? A deity? How does a scholar differ from an ‘expert’ or a ‘scientist’ (other favorite NYT terms)? Add to that the vast number of ‘unnamed authorities’ and ‘administration officials’ who refuse to speak ‘on the record’ and we have a plethora of opinion influencers, who prefer anonymity, speaking to the great unwashed.
Why be anonymous? Fear of persecution or job loss? Maybe the NYT does not pay, so why risk being misquoted for no gain? But Andy Warhol once famously said “. . .everyone seeks fifteen minutes of fame,” (or something like that). So why are these guys silent when their moment occurs?
I submit they suffer from atychiphobia – fear of being wrong or of failure. (Try fitting that one into your next cocktail party conversation.) If you never speak on the record, you can never be proved wrong.
These surrogate terms for academic or business experience remind me of a photo taken in the crisis center in Houston during the BP well disaster. It shows the Secretary of Energy and a bastion of ‘experts’ surrounding the poor SOB whose job it is to contain the flow of oil stemming from a failure committed by others. I’m sure he appreciated their credentialed suggestions while the cameras rolled. I shared his controlled anger.
Now, when hearing these vague descriptors, I raise a hoary eyebrow and merely smile.
You are welcome!
September 8, 2014
School teachers, doctors and now – police. All are under assault by the very people they have devoted their lives to helping. It’s a topsy-turvy world where the lunatics are running the asylum.
What could be more important in a civilized world than educating our kids, caring for our health and protecting us from ‘evil-doers’? Maybe the Mills Brothers had it right in 1944 when their number one hit claimed: ”You only hurt the one you love. ” There is now a concerted assault on these noble professions that only the informed public continues to love.
The feckless politicians and desperate for ‘Breaking News’ media weenies, in their pointless search for who’s to blame?, have launched wars on members of the most important professions this country once revered.
We blame teachers for failures in the education field when bureaucrats and national standards imposed by Washington are the primary (perhaps only) cause of the demise. American education has become a national tragedy worsening every day as the flow of immigrants increases. Test scores and graduation rates have reached an all-time low. Politicians and the media have unfairly painted teachers as the cause. This is a cultural problem beyond the purview of any single teacher or school system. Building new schools and pouring billions into inner-city school programs will neither change the culture, nor the family values of inner city parents who have no control over their children’s value system and work ethic. They do not comprehend, much less instill in their children, the benefits of delayed gratification. Crime and drugs offer more immediate satisfaction than do clean school classrooms and healthy foods in the cafeteria.
American doctors are leaving the profession by the thousands because of paperwork and procedural burdens imposed by federally imposed health programs. Doubt me? Visit any hospital and count the number of American physicians and PAs compared to those from India, Pakistan and other countries. It is scary how so few claim English as a first language. Try explaining your symptoms to these new guys.
Now, the Attorney General and sympathetic media are ganging up on police charging excessive force and racial profiling. Would a sane person aspire to become a police officer daily confronting thugs with weapons who must first consider what the press would say before attempting to prevent a crime? The recent ad hominem “unarmed black teenager named Michael Brown” comes to mind. We are being brain-washed to distrust authority in the name of political correctness.
It is time for the masses to rise and resist those who would destroy the fabric of America in the guise of social equality. We need a new tune and a courageous troubadour.
You are welcome.
August 12, 2014
Today I received a letter from Tony Parker, Treasurer of the Republican National Committee, expressing concern that I have abandoned ” the Party” and asking for a contribution. My reply to Mr. Parker follows:
Dear Mr. Parker:
You are correct that I have not renewed my membership for 2014. Your plea for money would have been favorably received had it been preceded by a statement of what the Republican Party now stands for. I must admit, I’m confused.
With a world in turmoil and a leadership vacuum in Washington, it would seem a good time to clearly state what priorities the Republicans attribute to issues facing the country and a plan for accomplishment.
Abortion, Gay Marriage, Global Warming and Income Inequality just don’t cut it with me. Sorry!
What, for example, are Republican strategies to address the single biggest threat to our nation and the entire free world – Islamic Fundamentalism? Or, an out-of-control banking system?
To simply oppose Obama on every front without offering alternatives is not enough. To criticize is not leading.
Not one of your potential presidential contenders has a global view; nor is any highly regarded in the international community. Christie, Rubio, Perry and Palin are all unelectable. Get over it.
Find a candidate with the vision, the courage to speak truth and the gravitas the country needs in this critical hour. (I suggest Robert Gates.)
Until then, your pleas for contribution fall on deaf ears. Better practice saying: “President Clinton” again.
Respectfully,
James H. Pyle
July 14, 2014 (Bastille Day for those of you in Iowa)
Readers of this blog know that I love everything French: the food, the wines, the culture, the fashions and the French people themselves. They are a proud, elegant core of talented, hard working individuals with strong passions. I even forgive them for being politically a bit left of center. (Full disclosure: a large French corporation was a significant investor in a company I founded in the 1980’s.)
But now our pathetic excuse for an Attorney General has slapped France’s largest bank, BNP Paribas, with the largest fine ever meted out to a bank. Their crime? Conspiring to allow money transfers to nations that the U.S. has sanctioned. Penalty? $9 Billion and the forced resignations of thirteen BNP executives. What insanity. What’s next? Criminal charges against any entity trading with Russia? Remember, Obama also imposed sanctions against them and several of their oligarchs.
At the moment, our monetary system allows us to act the bully. The Justice Department is using the country’s economic strength to strong arm foreign friends while refusing to indict even a single U.S. banker for having brought the world economy to the brink of collapse. CitiBank today agreed to pay $7 Billion for its dominant role in the U.S. mortgage disaster, but not one executive was forced to resign. Oops… How silly of me. Those foreign bankers can’t vote here, and they don’t employ legions of lobbyists pouring millions into the re-election coffers of our Congress with the quid-pro-quo of protecting them from Eric Holder’s wrath… What a disgrace!
The current reality is that all paths to the global financial system lead through New York and dollar based financial systems. That reality will not last forever if other major economies lose confidence and faith in this country and develop alternative payment systems free of U.S. political agendas. It could happen. The Euro is now struggling but the Chinese renminbi is actively seeking global presence. Actions like the BNP fine will cause others to reconsider alternative non-dollar markets. In anti-trust, environmental issues and FCPA (Foreign Corrupt Practices Act) foreign corporations always receive the biggest fines.
Our government acts as if there are never unintended consequences. At this point in history when our credibility around the world is at an all-time low we should be courting friends, not pissing off every major world leader. Germany’s Chancellor Merkel, Brazil’s president Rousseff, Israel’s Prime Minister Netanyahu and Russia’s Premier Putin have all expressed disdain for Obama. Now French President Hollande has threatened reprisals. With the world in turmoil and U.S. leadership at an all time low we should be making friends – not enemies.
When next we seek to build a world coalition to fight radical Islamists our friends will run for the hills simply to mock Obama. Quinnipiac College just released a poll showing Obama as the worst president in seventy years. I think I just heard Jimmy Carter exhale.
VIVE LA FRANCE
Vous êtes le bienvenu.
jpylewmg@gmail.com
James Pyle - Author 