Regular readers of this blog know that I specialize in “Simple Solutions to Complex Problems’. As far back as 12/12/15 when I first wrote about the solution to the Ukraine/Russia crisis (fist fights in Kiev’s Parliament), I have advocated for: 1) easy solutions to world hunger (corn, modified to sterilize), 2) funding the Wall at our southern border (sell ads on the wall); among others. Readers have now called upon me to solve the latest crisis – Central American criminals threatening to enter the U.S. illegally.

SOLUTION:

NASA has just demonstrated (at a cost of $994 million) that we can successfully land a spaceship on Mars.  My immediate reaction was: Why?

What the hell can we possibly learn about Mars that will benefit American taxpayers?

Are we afraid China might decide to build cars up there?

Or, might Russia build a pipeline from Mars to France before we do?

Teflon, Tang, MREs, plastics and LEDs have already been invented, thanks to NASA’s lunar excursions. Do we really need more space-related stuff that comes with unanticipated consequences?  I think not.

Ahh, the insanity of politicians and their unfettered hold on our wallets!

HOWEVER!   After reading of NASA’s latest ‘accomplishment’ I awoke at 3:00 a.m. with another ingenious brain fart: I know what to do with the illegals pounding at our southern doors: A free flight to Mars on a luxurious American spacecraft for all who manage to cross the Rio Grande.

On board we would offer:

• Free English lessons during the nine years en-route
• All the MRE’s you can eat
• Plenty of time for siestas on comfortable hammocks.
• Peeing into plastic tubes – no need to get up!
• Membership in Marriott rewards program
• In-flight mariachi music performed by Trini Lopez, singing This Land Is Your Land; and much more.

Upon arrival on the red planet, you will find:

• Unbelievable views of earth
• Tax free land – 50 million acres per person
• Genetically modified corn, packaged for easy planting
• Abundant Red clay – enough to build adobe huts for 25 relatives (and their goats)
• Woolen serapes for those cold winter nights

I get so excited by the potential that I may give up blogging and open a travel agency in Tapachula. Write me for a free travel voucher.

You are welcome.