I’ve only recently become accepting of multiculturalism and multiethnic communities; but now we are bombarded by multifunctional devices foisted upon us by brain-frozen engineers who can’t seem to invent anything new or useful. The resulting gadgets sell like fruitcakes at Christmas and are just as tasteless.

It all began with the creation of the Swiss Army Knife in the 1890s. Prior to that, soldiers needed individual tools; one to open canned foods and one to dis-assemble/re-assemble their rifles. (BTW: Has anyone ever known a Swiss to fire a rifle?) Ever since then, product developers have been welding previously fine individual tools into poorly functioning conglomerates, cleverly promoted by marketing gurus as the next great thing.  FYI: The latest Swiss Champ Red has 33 implements in one device and sells for $80.

Examples of similar developments abound:

• Portable phones are now cameras, watches, GPS devices, TVs, payment systems and game platforms. (Can you hear me now?) None of these functions works as well as the individual originals.
• Automobiles have been redesigned as entertainment systems, cargo haulers, safety monitors and self driving living rooms. (We have yet to see the result of automated intelligence on the road.)
• Coffee makers that combine bean grinders, percolators, latte and espresso machines, clocks and alarm warning systems. (Yet to be designed is a cup that keeps the coffee hot for more than ten minutes.)
• The old leather office briefcase has evolved into a catch-all backpack/satchel for work papers, multiple electronic devices including headphones, suitcases for clothing and high-heeled shoes for women and transgender commuters.
• A wrist watch is now a heart monitor, a step counter, a weather forecaster, a repository of all one’s health data, a point-of-sale payment device and a stop-watch for those who train and time race horses.
• Refrigerators that permit one to look inside without opening the door, lists of groceries contained therein, automatic reordering from Amazon and reminders when we are low on milk or cheese: which reminds me, “Jeff Bezos: I’m out of Vodka.”

What’s next? Stay tuned for injectable healthy meals, engineered children who never cry and achieve perfect SATs, and pilotless aircraft that self-diagnose problems aloft. (I’m getting off at the next stop.)

Merry Christmas to all, and enjoy all those inventive gifts.

You are welcome.

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