MEMO from the White House

The Honorable Xi Jinping

Beijing, China

Hi there, Xi:

It’s me, Donald.  Yes, THAT Donald.

I thought of you last week when that little gook (no offense) from North Korea shot off another of his ICBMs. He must be running out by now. Don’t you think?

Maybe he’s got another dozen or so, but I’ve got thirty thousand of the damned things. The guy must have a noodle where his brain should be; but his chicken shit game is, frankly, beginning to piss me off.

Since you seem to be out of ideas for squashing this fat adolescent, I thought I’d make you a deal – a really big deal – one to make China great again.

Here it is:  I send a squad or our Special Ops Guys (you know – like Seal Team Six) over to your place. You infiltrate them into Kim Jung Un’s backyard by pretending they’re your Caucasian gardeners.  They’ll have only one job – plant a mushroom into the little bastard’s head – then beat it out of Dodge (again with your help).

In return, we give you North Korea – lock, stock and barrel. No bankers or lawyers involved.  It’s probably not worth much but there are 25 million coolie laborers you could use in your rice paddies and/or noodle shops.

Not a bad deal; Right?  Call me and let’s make this happen.

Your friend,

DON

Oh; one more little thing.  Don’t screw around in Taiwan until I’m out of office.  OK?