While the world ponders the next round of elections and whether the results will pull us to the right or left, I am left with the daunting task of responding to loyal readers who constantly ask me the following questions, (usually over a martini).

1. What are the true dimensions of Kim Kardashian’s ass?
2. Will Kanye West run in 2020?
3. How many of Prince’s illegitimate kids will show up at the inheritance trough?
4. Will Kendall Jenner revert to Bruce? And if so, what bathroom will he/she use?
5. Will Anthony’s Weiner go viral again?
6. Does the Black Lives Matter Movement matter?
7. Does Global Warming cause ED?
8. Is Donald mean to women?
9. Will Hillary faint again or fart again under interrogation?
10. Will London’s new mayor revert to public beheadings or hangings?

Following, in the order asked, are my responses.

1. Do you want it in sq. ft. , hectares or acres?
2. Only if the police are closing in.
3. All 246 of them.
4. And she/he will use an “out”-house.
5. Probably, so stand back – no telling how big this thing could get.
6. No.
7. Just ask a dinosaur.
8. Donald means a lot to women.
9. Probably both; if there is a God.
10. Blimey. What a lovely suggestion.

There you have it. Reasoned responses to critical topics covered on a daily basis by the NY Times, CBS, NBC, ABC  and the Children’s Channel (only broadcasting in New York and San Francisco).

You are welcome.

For more, go to http://www.jameshpyle.com