Dean DuBarry Moore – (DINO) – A tribute through a step-father’s prism

(January 28, 1972 – November 20, 2015):  Not nearly enough time on earth to enjoy all life has to offer but long enough to have profoundly influenced those whose lives he touched; including mine.

There are names given to people left behind following a death.  A wife who loses her husband is a widow.  A husband who loses his wife is a widower.  A child who loses his parents is an orphan.  But there’s no word for a parent who loses a child – perhaps rightly so, because no single word can convey that pain and anguish.

Someone wiser than me said: ‘When burying a child a piece of your heart is buried also.’ The same is true if you are only a step-parent because a piece of your spouse’s heart is also gone.

Dean had many admirable qualities: a sweet, fun loving kid with a ready laugh who evolved into a gifted athlete then a superior student; a valued employee of two major companies, and a finally a husband and doting father. No one ever spoke ill of him.

He tried hard to be the best at whatever he did. If lately he had a fault, it was dedicating too much time to work and not enough to smelling the roses that sprang around him wherever he roamed.

Dean and his twin brother came into my life in 1976 when they were only four years old, thus I knew him, loved him and cared deeply about him for forty-three years. . . not long enough. They were always either the ‘twins’ or ‘Dean & Taylor’. For some inexplicable reason it was always D&T, never T&D (perhaps it was alphabetical).  Dean always got the better grades but Taylor always seemed to win their wrestling matches.

Suzanne and their dad were neighbors in Weston and, as families, we socialized frequently. His mother and I married in 1980. Our nuclear family skied in Vermont together for years, forging a special bond between our combined six children. The kids would all travel in the back of my pickup truck on a shag rug, sitting on bean bag chairs eating snacks and listening to their music while heat from the engine was channeled through a specially designed vent. Probably a good thing we never knew all that went on back there as the older ones hassled the younger. My youngest child was four years older but he and the twins became friends despite the age difference.  They all learned to ski well and carried it into adulthood where they now teach their own children.

We vacationed together, attended every football game when the twins played in high school. Dean, as quarterback led their team to the state championships – a feat never before achieved, nor since. We met all of his girl friends from high school through college and attended every commencement even though his and Taylor’s college graduation occurred on the same weekend 500 miles apart.  Many of their high school friends’ parents remain our good friends today. Most attended Dean’s funeral after travelling long distances. Their concern and love for him is appreciated.

Dino: I admired your courage. I respected your integrity, and I loved you for your adoration of your mother.  I only wish I had spoken those words to you when I had the chance. I try being stoic and strong for your mother by holding back the tears,  but alone they do flow.

You were a marvelous young man and I’ll never forget the joy you brought to our life. I trust you are at peace.