October 26, 2014

Five years ago my wife gave me a sweat shirt, emblazoned on the front: “Careful, or you’ll end up in my novel”, a gag-gift for a writer/author wannabe that I wore periodically in the fall.  Over the years a few people have made comments (all of them positive) I now wear it without thinking about the message it broadcasts.

Until yesterday, when my wife and I were wandering through a local farmers market. It was cool so I dug my shirt from the mothballs. We had barely entered the exhibit area when a comely woman, a salesperson at one of the booths, approached and said: “I’ll be careful not to offend you.” I had forgotten about the shirt’s message and thought her daft. My wife engaged her in conversation and it became obvious she was referring to the shirt’s message. We learned she had a sister who was a fledgling writer and wanted to buy one as a gift. “Where did I buy it?” We told her and moved on.

Moments later, another woman approached: “I love the shirt. Are you really a writer? ” I assured her I was. She informed me she always wanted to write. “How did you begin?” she asked.  Never adept at small talk, I responded, “I sat at a word processor and started typing.” That remark earned me a painful punch on the arm from my wife. (Particularly because I was holding a ten pound, hand-painted pumpkin she had purchased from the first woman.)

My wife, now thirsty from all the mindless chatter, stopped at a stall to sample several home- brewed beers. I’m a wine and whiskey guy so I waited in the wings while she complimented the brewer, a studly guy with arms like Schwarzenegger.  I had not long to wait until two youngish girls approached and again admired my shirt. Imagine that: I was getting more attention than the handsome brewer. One girl was an aspiring poet who attended a writer’s college in Ohio but got disenchanted with their liberal agenda. I opined that politics permeates much of the art world and has since the days of the Pharaohs. I encouraged her to keep writing. Good poetry is needed these days and few are practicing the art.

The second girl of the duo asked what I have written. I told her and then it hit me.  My eureka moment.! This shirt is the perfect pick up line for guys in bars. You don’t even have to say something stupid. Just wear the shirt and girls will line up like chicks at a feeding trough. Sounds like a business opportunity to me. Look for my ad on e-bay.

You are welcome.